>The 2008 VGAs

>Do I really want to do this?

I guess I’m doing it.

It’s 9:25pm EST on Sunday, December 14, 2008, and the VGAs have been on for almost a half hour, and I guess I’m gonna watch it. I’m trying to watch it; I would estimate that about 90% of the TV time has been either commercials, product placements, or LL Cool J. I don’t even know what awards are being given out or who’s nominated.

Herewith: some random ramblings as the bullshit unfolds.

…When Mike Tyson came out on stage, I’m pretty sure everybody in the theater got a little queasy.

…Is it me, or did the very brief look of in-game footage in that God of War 3 trailer look a little… early?

…They gotta stop with these skits.

…The “best independent game” nominees are all amazing; I was fortunate enough to play all of them and I’m very glad to seem them all getting their due. I was not aware of any of them being fueled by Dew, though; that’s good to know. That technical difficulty snafu announcing World of Goo was a little scary.

…I really wish I didn’t have to be embarrassed about watching this show. It’s clear that Spike is really trying to make this award mean something, and I’ll admit that having all these major announcements during the show is a pretty convincing incentive for me to stick it out. But the writing is terrible and the emphasis is everywhere but on the actual game designers, which is unfortunate. I’d be very curious to see what Spike anticipates the target demo for this awards show to be; I’m going to go out on a limb and assume that it doesn’t include me.

…It’s 9:41 and they’ve only announced 2 awards… now they’re giving Kiefer Sutherland an award, and now the All-American Douchebags are playing, for no apparent reason. Are they afraid that the people who watch this show will be bored if they actually showed some games winning awards?

…At this rate, I’m probably turning this off after they do the Brutal Legend video, and I can’t help but feel like that’ll be the last thing they show. Why excatly did they ask Jack Black to host this thing? We’re almost an hour into the show and he’s been on stage for about 5 minutes.

…EA is doing Dante’s Inferno? Really? That could almost be interesting; the brief glimpses of gameplay made it look like a cross between God of War and Dead Space, and that’s actually kind of awesome.

…Will Wright deserves better than that intro. (Nice shout out to Tim Schafer, though! W00t!)

GTA4 DLC preview… That was a pretty bitchin’ trailer. It basically looks like a shorter campaign; I wonder if it loads seperately from the main game. What happens to Niko after you start this DLC? Do you never see him again? If you start as the biker, is the city different?

…I’m so glad to hear that the famous celebrities who got paid enough to show up for this thing “really love videogames.” That makes me feel like these are that much more authentic.

…Best RPG: I’m gonna guess Fallout 3. And I WAS RIGHT. Will they show any video of the upcoming DLC? No.

…Busta Rhymes? OH BOY OH BOY OH BOY. You’re right, Busta – I do hate it when I see a trailer and it turns out to be bullshitty. Uncharted 2 trailer: OK, that was fucking amazing. I am officially on board for Uncharted 2. Also: I think the confetti machine is borked.

Terminator Salvation gets a big fat meh.

Mafia 2‘s music is HORRIBLE. I’m pretty sure those string patches were out of date in 1987. The game itself looks like Martin Scorcese directing GTA.

…Tony Hawk again? 50 Cent? Why?

Watchmen: Alan Moore weeps.

…Weezer announces for best music game, and I’m gonna guess it’s Rock Band 2… although Wii Music looks hott.

…I do like how all the people who accept awards give nice, quick speeches.

…This Kevin James Mall Cop skit is kinda sad. Epsecially if he’s here to announce the award for Studio of the Year. I guess it’s official that these awards don’t mean anything. I have no idea what to guess for this: I’d vote for any of them. But good for Media Molecule. And I meant to say this earlier – why are the Best 360 and Best PS3 categories throw-aways?

….Wait wait wait, they’re doing a MONTAGE for the actual fucking awards? 96 minutes into a 2 hour show? What the fuck is this bullshit? Why did Shooter, RPG and Music Game get stage time and everybody else get shafted like this? Jesus fucking Christ. Brutal Legend had better be fucking awesome.

…From Joystiq’s live blog, which is reading very much like this one:

10:38PM Dear VGAs, until you pretend that these awards are important no one else is going to believe it.

10:37PM Now we blow through all the awards, because watching the actual awards is SOOO much less fun than watching Kevin James put human joy to death live on stage.

Brutal Legend! At 10:44pm. Funny with the flamethrowing; let’s go and show it. SHOW IT. And it was shown. Can’t. Wait.

…Megan Fox announces Game of the Year? Oh I wonder if there’ll be another techincal snafu for this. The silver women in the background look exasperated.

My guess: GTA4. Looking back at all these games again, though, I am reminded just how amazing this year really was. Drumroll: I win. Why aren’t the Houser Bros accepting?

I think this final skit went completely off the rails.

Weezer brings the hot sauce. That applause sounds canned. I’m done.

Spike: you’re getting closer. But you’re still a long fucking way off.

Author: Jeremy Voss

Musician, wanna-be writer, suburban husband and father. I'll occasionally tweet from @couchshouts. You can find me on XBL, PSN and Steam as JervoNYC.

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